Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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