I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize