I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
