yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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