So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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