I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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