im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
