just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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