You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
