What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
this is an emotional support booty call
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
