i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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