you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
