if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
