4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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