I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
