so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
