If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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