so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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