I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
