You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize