So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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