i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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