On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize