If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
