whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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