why didn't you poke me back
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
