We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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