she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
