dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
