I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
