the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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