i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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