every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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