She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
