She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
