he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
