Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
