Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
