The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
