She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
