What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
