I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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