smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
