"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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