he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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