So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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