I'm really into asian looking animals
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
