So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
