Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
