hotel room ftw
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
