Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
