If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
