youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
