i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
