Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
