i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
