yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
