If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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