So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
