i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
