I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
