I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
