I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
