His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
