hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
