just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
