I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize