Sry I called you an 8
they need to just BURY HIM!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
