If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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