i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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