I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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