we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
