Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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