i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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