last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
