it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize